My first post

My First Post

Whew...for some reason, I don't know what, this is my first post. Although I have tried my best to post yesterday, I couldn't find anything interesting enough to say. My mind was blank and I guess, in a way sleepy ('twas almost 3 in the morning that time...), but I thought I needed to have something to say...but what? Even right now, I couldn't find anything to say, even though I know so many words are bottled up inside me right now. Somehow, I couldn't find the right words, or the right person to tell my problems, for that matter.

But what are my problems? You see, I've got many. Schoolwork is one. I've been trying my best to keep my grades intact, and I've been quite successful. That comes to me naturally (in a very odd way, I guess). Family...well, fortunately for me, there have not been a big issue in the family right now. Just a few about chores, this and that...but whatever. I can handle that. Problems about friendship? None of the sort, I guess. I'm doing fine on that part.

So what the hell is bothering me?

You see...it's all about...well, the heart maybe. It's not actually odd. For some reason, I've been handling this darn love problem ever since I entered high school. I'm a junior now, and it's been three years since I've had this feeling for one guy. I couldn't exactly say what, cause even I myself don't know what it is...but something about him is drawing me closer and closer and closer...until eventually I fall. I fall head over heels in love with him, yet to him I do not exist. That's what's bothering me. I couldn't even tell him how I feel. It's like a major thing - only my best friends know about him...and I've only got a few.

Who is he, anyway? Well...let's first describe him, shall we? Let's call him LoML, which stands for (yup, you guessed it): Love of My Life.

LoML is this tall guy, with glasses (yep...glasses. People sometimes see that as a turn-off...but whatever), has dimples, a clean haircut, and oh-so-adorable good looks. You might say that he's a pretty-boy and all, but he's just not all that. He's something more. Elaborate? Sure. LoML is an honor student, just like me. LoML is smart...he's got a very good memory, which he actually uses for everything. I think that's one of the basic reasons why I really like him...or maybe not.

See, I never really liked him before. Not in that way. I hated him, because he's so smart, he's so cute...he is so damn perfect. I could never be like him. People idolize him for his leadership, for his being oh-so-smart and all, and his being so darn irresistable to girls. I hated him for that. And he's somewhat arrogant, too. You know, all high-and-mighty. That was what I thought. Was is the verb to be used. I thought that then...but now, I think otherwise.

So what exactly happened for me to think otherwise, huh? That's exactly my question. How did I get from hating him to loving him? How? What happened? What made me fall for someone like him? Someone whom I could never get, could never have...?

He is too perfect for me. Somehow...that's what I always think of. I could not have the courage to tell straight to his face that "Hey I like you". If I do that, I would certainly be doomed forever. He would think me a lunatic. And then everything would crash in front of me...everything. Even the bond I have with him...the little-less-than friendship we have. I don't even know if we really are friends or not. I mean, for Heaven's sake, he calls me by my surname! But...it doesn't matter, so long as he notices me...so long as he knows I exist...that's enough...